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How to Embalm a Chandelier in Hebrew


Are you ready for a language lesson? As you know, I moved to Israel about 10 months ago. I have been studying Hebrew, the language here. I just finished reading a book about the life of Eliezer Ben Yehuda, the lexicographer who invented the modern Hebrew language. It is the only ancient language that has been revived and currently in use. Pretty darn amazing.

Hebrew is one of the many miracles of this crazy place. Another miracle of the day is Google Translate, a language app by you-know-who. I really don't understand much conversational Hebrew yet, so I pop most of the messages I receive into the Google Translate app and it spits them back to me in English.

A typical message that I receive from the kids' school in Hebrew is like this:

And here is the Google Translate English interpretation:

Yes, that's right. Jonah joined a Hever Cult last week. At least his posture is good. Another school message example is this:

Which of course in Google Translate means:

Don't worry people. This really isn't weapons training at school. It is merely volunteer parents who open doors for kids at drop off in the morning. It took us a minute to figure that out too.

Yesterday, I boldly wrote a friend a message entirely in Hebrew about meeting her and her husband for dinner. This was the phrase I meant to write:

"Hello! We are excited to see you and Alon (her husband) tonight. Do you want to park at our house?"

After, I sent it, I was a little smug and proud of myself for writing it all in Hebrew. I decided to throw my message into Google Translate to see how I did. You judge for yourself.

And that is how you embalm a chandelier in Hebrew.


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